so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
