I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
