Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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