I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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