i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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