Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
