so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
