i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
