Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
