eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
