Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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