There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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