I am in a vortex of obligation.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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