hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
