I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
