Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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