im holly from the hills drunk
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
