Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
