You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
