oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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