wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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