Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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