You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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