last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
