I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
