hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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