his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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