Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
