dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Still dying that you shit outside
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
