you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
