I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
