It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
