I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
