accomplished twins. life is a go
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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