"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
