this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
