What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
