watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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