I'm gonna have a badass scar
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
