u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
