they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
