i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
