I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
