I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
