so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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