i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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