Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
