hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
