Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
