If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
