Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i will never coherently bang her
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
