Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
