When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
