it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
