The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
