shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
