Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
