I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just want to make out with him forever
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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