I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
