I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
