Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
