i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
