If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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