I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
